Genesis of this site
This site came about as one of the many creative responses to Mister X, to get him to halt his abuse.
The most common of the abuser’s strategies is to isolate the victim, to keep his abuse secret and private between him and his victim: to Mister X we would refer to it as his “dark room” strategy – that as long as he felt no-one else but him and the victim knew about it – for so long will he would sustain it! Therefore victims must desist from co operating with this strategy.
Abusers have no conscience about their abuse – it is as if their conscience is lobotomized, therefore they will not stop of their own accord.
To Mister X, then, we finally had to announce: “If you do not cease your transgressions against decency, and abuse of others, you would force our hand to expose you for the abuser, bully, and hypocrite you are – we will do this via the internet by starting a website, The Sinews of Abuse.
Therefore, to victims – motivation number one: do not let your threats to your abuser all amount to just empty threats – finally issue him with an ultimatum: “Cease, or else”, and carry the “or else” through, seek the necessary support – but carry it out. Should you not – then he has you trapped, forever – or, until you act!
Typical of an abuser, Mister X swore he would stop and that it therefore would not be necessary for us to go that way, and of course we gave him the full benefit – neither we wanted things to go that way.
But he proved he was typical and entrenched in his abusive character: an abuser’s promises to stop, and their swearing “I will never again…”, and their asserting, ‘I have changed, and will never do that again’, evaporates: as soon as the threat of exposure, or that there will be consequences to their actions, fades from their immediate memory – then their default mode dominates.
But, even when he forced (through him not heeding the ultimatum) SinewsofAbuse into a project, we reached out to him, and invited him to be part of the project: we proposed to him, “Mister X, if you transform yourself, then through participating in Sinews as an ex-abuser, you have a platform to redeem yourself, turn a negative into a positive – you can step yourself up from villain to hero”.
He initially agreed, and seemed to like the idea; but, that did not last long, and he subsequently revealed what he actively chose. Through his continued abuse he disqualified himself for being eligible to participate in the project; and he escalated his transgressions, until eventually he had to be expelled from the association.
So, SinewsofAbuse is here as a final creative response to an unrelenting abuser; to turn a negative into a positive – to shine a light into the darkness where abusers hide their ways, so others can more easily recognize them, and find direction and motivation for assertive, creative response to them.